Life a To-Do List?

In the past my life seemed like a big to-do list. Their waz always somewhere to go, someone to meet, something to do and somebody to become. Somehow just being alive, awake and aware to injoy life wazn't enough. But thankfully I'm relaxing more into life and surrendering to each and every moment az it shows up. When I do thiz I have boundless energy to Be, Do or Have anything I first welcome in conscious.

Yet sometimes thoughts of thiz other more for filled life plagues me mostly around the issue of discipline. The word discipline I admit haz a negative charge to it like being forced to eat food I don't like for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Thiz iz foreign to my true nature because innately I have boundless energy to be fully engaged in life and whatevers showing up. And being a creative type no day, hour or second is repeatable. So theirs go discipline and sticking to a "self-improvement" plan so I can be more of the more of me. So I make endless promises to myself today is going to be different I'm going to do thiz thing religiously for eternity and beyond so I can become more or the more of me. But I'm a stubborn gal, years of work and being productive have ruined me cuz no amount of pretend guilt can make me do anything that I simply don't want to do. I've become so used to living in alignment with love, joy, creativity and peace its hard to move me to anything that feels less than thiz. Yes, I've tried on various occasions asking myself, don't you want to become more of the more you? Yes, of course I answer but you see each day haz its own rhythm like breathing or like a song that begs to be played in thiz non-repeatable moment. But here's the rub it doesn't haveto be thiz way.

I waz under the false belief that it waz structure vs spontaneity, but now I know different. You see itz not either or itz thiz AND that. And includes all what waz, what iz and what will be. But in the now of thiz moment everything iz fresh, original, new and innovative even if it seems like itz the same old thing. Collaging by myself or with other iz like thiz, art like life iz open for new & ever unfolding possibilities, itz IZNESS blankets my whole inperience. So I guess

whether I'm in the sweet art of being AND the sweet art of doing its ALL good. The more I follow the path of blizz the more discipline morphs into blissipline. And right now I'll live az a drop of water that pops up into the air only to merge back into the deep, deep sea of nothingness only to be continued again and again.